Since my eating disorder plays a much smaller role in my self-esteem (now that it is a tiny voice that no longer dictates my behavior), I have default lower self-esteem. When I opened up in after care about my struggles to find alternative outlets for self esteem boosts, they suggested that I write down two accomplishments, no matter how small, per day. They had other suggestions about positive affirmations, but we all know how tough it is to tell yourself you are amazing, wonderful, lovely, and all that when you just don’t quite believe it yet. It may be a little easier to say that I am learning to be more compassionate with myself because goodness knows my self-critiquing voice needs a chill pill sometimes. In any case, I am going to at least start tackling the two accomplishments a day with today:
(1) Opening up at after care! This was the first time that I processed in after care. I finally rated myself with a high enough number (3 – 4 out of 5) to not only process but to go first so that I would have my time for getting help.
(2) Trying to be present in dance practice today. Sometimes dance practice is annoying…for various reasons…and the annoyances can either trigger me to be a little brattier or make me shut down. Today, I was present in my dancing and I made some significant improvements in my quality of movement. Here’s to trying to fake it till I make it — increasing my confidence by holding myself in a different way (head up, chest out instead of head down and chest curled in) until I start to feel the confidence.