No appetite

When I was stuck in my eating disorder, I felt hungry or starving most of the time. I ignored and did little to act on my hunger like I ignored most of my other feelings. Also, I constantly craved sugary foods, like chocolate and other candies, as if my body was trying to get me to take in quick calories. When I went through treatment, I was so scared that as soon as I started eating normal meals, I would not be able to stop. I was afraid I would binge on chocolate. Instead, during refeeding, I was full all of the time and completely lost all of my cravings for sugary foods.

Now that I am no longer on a weight gain diet, I no longer feel full all of the time. My problem now though is that I still do not feel hunger. When I do get hungry, I am maybe as hungry as a 2 or 3 on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the famished that I used to feel in my disorder. I used to rely on that extreme hunger to make food decisions, as if starving my body would help it advocate for its nutritional needs. Now that I do not get very hungry, I have a difficult time figuring out what to eat, especially for dinner. Breakfast is easy because I just cycle through having cereal, a bagel/cream cheese, or a yogurt parfait, all of which became safe foods for me when I was in treatment. I often eat leftovers for lunch or go to free lunch talks at the UCSD campus or default on a PB and honey sandwich, which is fairly manageable. But, dinner is its own beast and, most of the time, I just ask Ben to decide what we should eat.

I want my hunger cues to come back, and I want to start trying intuitive eating, but I guess that in the meantime, I need to stick to eating at my default meal plan times so that I can maintain my recovered weight.

This entry was posted in Emotions, Recovery Tools, Weight Gain/Maintenance and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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