My therapist and I randomly talked today about how I failed my driver’s test. I actually failed it twice before I finally passed it. At the time, I felt like such a big failure, and I kept all my failed attempts as a deep, dark secret that I had to hide in shame. My drive to be perfect was taunted by failing at something nearly everyone learns to do…drive. I was afraid I would need a chauffeur or someone else to help me through all the driving I was doomed to face. Talk about catastrophizing!
Even when I admitted to my therapist that I failed my driver’s test, I padded the information with the fact that I have never been pulled over or received a ticket, as if I have made up for my early failings through later perfection. But, so what if I failed my driver’s test in the beginning? That does not make me a failure or mean anything about me as a person. Besides, the system lets people re-take the test, and I got to take advantage of that…multiple times 😉 And, I don’t have to be perfect to make up for earlier failings. (I need to keep reminding myself of that last point.)
Life With Recovery 