Again, it has been awhile since I have updated my blog. I used to delay starting my work in lab by writing blog entries every morning, but I have recently been starting my lab work nearly as soon as I arrive in lab. Also, when I was avoiding reading research papers for my asthma research, I was reading and commenting on eating disorder papers. I hope to continue posting on my blog and commenting on eating disorder papers in addition to, instead of in place of, doing my work and reading asthma research papers, respectively.
Some recent progress in my recovery has been that I enjoy food more now. Last weekend, I really enjoyed a couple meals. One was a buffet at the Wynn hotel in Vegas where I finished my meal by trying at least a bite of nearly all the desserts available there. (It was also nice that we stayed in an amazing, amazing room at Encore.) My favorite was the creme brulee. Ben and I also went to Firefly tapas restaurant with one of his friends while we were in Vegas, and I realized that I no longer think about how the food is going to end up on my body while I am eating. When I wanted more bites of the tapas food, I took more bites, and I was not worried about extra cheese or grease on my food. I really just enjoyed the flavors, and that was refreshing. Additionally, it has been a lot easier for me to eat meals in general, which may be confounded by the fact that I stopped needing a weight gain diet awhile ago.
I have learned a new approach to working out at the gym. I used to use the machines for isolated muscle work, but Ben recently encouraged me to try working multiple muscle groups at a time with deadlifts, lunges, squats and situps on a yoga ball, among other exercises. The transition to working multiple muscle groups at a time has made my gym time so much more efficient. It takes me much less time to work up a sweat and start to feel sore the next day or so later, which is helping me stay within healthy limits on gym activity.
I am freer without my dance team commitments and I am finally going to go out social dancing tonight at Cheers! My dance instructor and I are both excited for the new transition for me, and I had an awesome dance lesson this afternoon.
I have been way more emotional than I had been for a long time. I feel intense happiness and sadness and everything in between, all of which often inspires tears for me. But, when I have had a chance to express my emotions to their fullest, I feel freer. I even felt safe enough last night, when Ben and I were having an intense, awesome conversation, to cry a little at Panda Express. Normally, crying in public would have been super taboo for me and way too vulnerable, but it felt amazing to express my emotions as I felt them.
Finally, I have not been as rigid about saving my normal, pre-determined amount of money each month the way I had been doing in the past. I would love to be able to save the same amount of money each month, or more, but I am also generally learning to be more flexible and less restrictive with myself and that feels nice too.