Last night, Ben and I went to a cookie decorating party, and I actually enjoyed eating cookies and other snacks at the party. When I was deep in my disorder, I had such a strong aversive reaction to cookies, especially because if I let myself be near cookies, I might cave in and…goodness forbid…eat one. But, when I was a child, long before I developed an eating disorder, I loved making and decorating cookies for the holidays, including shooing away my parents, grandparents, and sisters from trying to steal unbaked cookie dough from the bowl. I am enjoying discovering all the ways that I am returning to my more natural responses to foods and activities and how much more being free from my eating disorder allows me to interact with the world around me.
The cookie decorating party was additionally fun because it was adult-themed, and all the things that were taboo to talk about when I was growing up were things that we were drawing on cookies and laughing about. So, I can be more grown up (or less, if you count laughing at adult jokes as less mature) while still enjoying activities that were fun when I was a kid. And, it was awesome to have Ben with me last night…as it has been awesome to have him with me since the day I met him.